The Stupider Wore Smart shoes Part one
by Quick-n-Popular
Summary: A new invention of the Professor's changes the lives of Fry and Zoidburg's. Part one of a two part series.


"The Stupider wore Smart shoes"

by Quick-n-Popular

Disclaimer: Futurama© and its characters are properties of Matt Greoning and David X. Cohen.

Opening to show: "Pay the robot and the lobster doesn't get hurt"

Opening: Planet Express

Siting at the main table are Fry, Amy, Dr. Zoidberg, and Nibbler. Fry is trying repetitively to balance a pencil tip on the bridge of his nose. Zoidberg is eating oil soaked burger bags. Amy is giving Nibbler a manicure.

Professor (Enter from left): Good news everyone! I've created a gizmo that makes a person three times more intelligent and also sexually more appealing to the opposite sex.

The Professor holds up a device that looks similar to a TV remote control.

Professor: I call it "The Perfectalizer", now, who wants to change their pitiful lives?

Amy (shaking her head): Not me, I don't need it.

Zoidberg (raising a claw): I shall go first.

The Professor hits a button labeled "Smart/Sexy" and a blue light emits and knocks Zoidberg flat on his back. He emerges shaking his head wearily.

Zoidberg: Professor you've got it turned up to high.

Professor: I don't care. Wait! Eureka! Zoidberg actually comprehended what had happened! Now, to test it on a human.

The Professor looks to Fry who is hiding behind his chair. Fry clings to the back of the chair as he is hit with the light. Getting up from the ground he brushes himself off.

Professor: Well, Fry, hoe do you feel?

Fry: Surprisingly inadequate.

The Professor giggles with delight.

Professor: Ha! I'll show that Wormstrom that I can get a merit badge better than him. "The What-if-machine." Hmph, what a preposterous idea of his.

Fry: Professor, if you recall you invented that.

Professor: Wha? Oh, yes I did. Wow, this thing's great! Now to test the second part of it. Amy, you little floozie, come over here and say "hi" to Fry.

Amy (sighing) : Professor, I already know…(seductively) Hey, who's the stud?

Professor: Now, meet Zoidberg.

Amy (panicking): Oh, my god, it's like "sorority kegger night" and I'm not wearing anything cute!

Amy runs out of the room screaming.

The Professor starts jumping up and down until his hip breaks and he stops.

Zoom in on Fry just above his head.

Fry's brain: Wait a minute why am I here? My nephew is a crazed madman, The intern is a shallow harlot, and I'm now super intelligent.

Fry to Zoidberg: Hey, Dr. Z, why are we here? I think we should leave this place and go make millions off of our smarts.

Zoidberg: I agree, let's leave this over used whale carcass.

Professor: Now, I want the two of you to go out and mingle. I'll be tracking you with the video cameras that I inlodged into you while you weren't looking.

Next Scene: Outside New New York. Fry and Zoidberg are walking down the street talking intelligently about stupid topics.

Fry: So, when you grill the bread with the cheese you get a grilled cheese sandwich.

Zoidberg: You're right, Fry, it's so obvious I can't believe I never thought of that before.

Next Scene: At the Lab. The Professor is looking at two monitors, one labeled: Fry, and the other Zoidberg. Just then the Planet Express Ship lands and Leela and Bender emerge from it.

Bender: Hey, Professor, we're back from the "Don't let Fry come a long" mission.

Professor (still staring at the monitors): Wha? Oh, ok. Shut up, now. I'm studying.

Leela: Tell me again why you didn't want Fry to come, Professor?

Professor: Fry and Zoidberg are the two dolts that I'm testing my new invention, "The Perfectalizer" on. It increases the intelligence and sexiness of the person three-fold. Right now I'm seeing how society acts toward them.

Leela: just like a parole officer.

Scene: Fry and Zoidberg are still walking down an unnamed street in New New York.

Fry: You know, Zoidberg, we would do so much better with our new smarts someplace else.

Zoidberg: I know, Fry, but where?

The two of them stop and look up as a blimp goes by with a message: "Are you Smart and Sexy? Then come and be apart of Mom's Science team. Exploiting your work with little pay since 2804."

Fry and Zoidberg look at each other and nod.

New Scene: Mom's friendly robot company: Mom is sitting at her desk looking at a device a scientist is giving her. The scientist is shaking with fear as Mom peers down at him.

Mom: What is this crap!

Scientist: It's a "refresh-a-cup" it warms your cup as you drink it.

Mom pours some liquid from a flask that's on her desk into the device and the bottom part of it breaks and spills into her lap she cringes in agony and then throws the device squarely hitting the young scientist between the eyes.

Mom: Is this the best you Fly barfs can come up with, get out of my site!

Enter Larry, who moves out of the way as the young scientist goes crying out of the office.

Mom: Larry! Any news from your idiot brothers?

Larry: The Robot Mafia still is holding them as ransom until you give them that "Phony Italian stereotype" voice chip the Don Bot wants.

Mom: Let them rot.

Larry: But Mom, they're being clamped!

Mom: Like I care.

Larry: Oh, by the way, there are two new guys waiting to be interviewed for you Science department.

Mom: Show the worms in.

In walks Fry and Zoidberg Mom scowls at them as they sit down in front of her desk.

Mom: Now tell me, why in New New Hell's Kitchen, should I hire you two?

Fry pulls out a cocktail napkin and scribbles some notes down.

Fry: I can make you a perfume that reverses the age of a person.

Mom (shocked): You can do that?

Fry: You bet. There are lots of pathetic, rich, old, crones that would love to spend gobs of money on this.

Mom (smiling devilishly): Perfect! You're hired. You Lobster-boy, What can you do to make me rich?

Zoidberg: I can help you save patients.

Mom waited unimpressed.

Zoidberg: Or kill while save either way it won't cost you.

Mom (smiling devilishly again): You two will do great.

Scene: Planet express. Bender is watching the two monitors while Leela is playing with Nibbler. Professor enters from left.

Bender: Hey Professor, Fry and Squid-work just got hired from Mom, I'm changing it to a different channel, though it doesn't matter, do you mind?

Leela: But they have jobs here.

Enter Hermes.

Hermes (holding two papers): Everyone, good news! Fry and dat idiotic lobster quit their jobs. It came in through the mail Shute.

Professor: This is an outrage! Leela, Bender, I want the two of you to drag those Guinea pigs back here.

Bender: Aww, I just sat up.

Leela: Let's go Bender.

Scene: Mom's Friendly Science Lab. Fry is in a lab coat working in a cubicle with test tubes, vials, and a microwave. A very attractive Blonde is working in the one next to him, her name tag says Mary.

Mary walks over and sweetly puts her arm around Fry's shoulder.

Mary: Hey Fry, how's the experiment coming?

Fry: It's pre-heating so it should be done soon, want to go get a Slurm?

Mary: Ok.

The two of them head out of the room and into a worker's cafeteria, a sign above with Mom smiling says, "Enjoy it while you can, you miserable under paid drones."

Fry goes to the Slurm machine and gets two cans he hands one out to Mary.

Mary takes the one Fry gives to her and takes a sip.

Mary: You know Fry, at first when I saw you I was repulsed but then when you came closer I immediately fell in love with you.

Fry: I know, we have a lot in common.

Mary: So tell me about yourself.

Fry: Well, I came here from the year 2000, I'm a roommate with an overly abusive alcoholic robot, I used to be employed by my great-by-the-seventeenth-power-nephew.

Mary (staring dreamily at Fry): Wow.

Across the room Leela and Bender enter.

Bender: Hello Nerd Emporium.

Leela scanned the room and spotted Fry she proceeded forward and stopped as she saw Fry kiss a beautiful Blonde.

Bender: Hey there's squishy! Yo, Fry my man!

The two of them meet with Fry and the woman.

Fry: Hey you two, what's up? Oh, this is my girlfriend Mary.

Mary: Hi it's so nice to meet Fry's Fri…

Leela (interrupting): Fry, why did you quit?

Fry: Isn't it obvious? Since I got smarter (he squeezes Mary next to him) and Sexier, I decided I needed to go some where I was needed.

Leela: But Fry, we needed you (pause)… to an extent.

Fry: Believe me, I'm much happier here and so is Dr. Zoidberg.

On the other side of a room, Dr. Zoidberg who's helping a patient walks across the room.

Man: Thank you, Dr. Zoidberg, Alcoholism nearly killed me.

Zoidberg: You're welcome. hic Your liver is delicious, by the way hic 170 proof apparently. hic hic

(The two exit the opposite side of the room)

Mary: Fry, isn't your invention ready?

An egg timer goes off in the background.

Fry: Yup.

The two of them leave.

Bender turns to Leela.

Bender: Well, now what?

Leela thinks for a moment.

Leela: Well, we tried persuading him now all we can do is…

Bender: Kill him?

Leela: No, drug and bag him. I want you to wait at the apartment and when he comes home knock him out and take him back to the lab.

(she pulls a small capsule from her wrist gizmo)

Place this in his beer before he watches his favorite 20th century show "Mighty Morphing Power Rangers."

Bender: Damn, it! Actual work. Can't I just beat him unconscience then give him the pill?

Leela (severely): No, you can't. Think about it this way. The quicker this is done the sooner you can get to a saucy puppet show.

A wide smile appeared on Bender's, often, unreadable face

Bender: Can do!

Bender then quickly scuttles off.

Scene: Fry's cubicle. Everyone in the science department is there. Mom soon comes in.

Mom: Well, Fry, is it ready yet.

Fry brings out a perfume bottle and sprays some on Mom. A huge cloud of Pink clouds over Moms face and when it dissipates everyone stands back in awed shock.

Mom (in a more youthful voice): What the hell are you all staring at you puke-sucking dunderwats!

Fry hands her a mirror and she looks at it in wide eyes.

Mom: Holy Space Pope droppings, it worked! Fry you are going to make me…I mean us millions! Larry! Put this on the market straight away we'll call it "Geezer-Breeze."

Everyone applauded and Mary pulls Fry into her and kissed him forcefully.

Mom: Now, if everyone will clear out of the way; I'm going club hopping.

Mary: Hey Fry, want to come back to my place for some Slurm-champagne to celebrate?

Fry: You bet.

Next Scene: Mary's apartment. Coming up the stairs to Mary's apartment. Her room number 99, the beginning "9" is loose and is swaying from the hall air-conditioning, Fry grins wolfishly as it appears to say "69" on it. Inside the two takes off their coats and a voice calls from a room.

Voice: Mary, you're late, and the vibrato-TV isn't working just when "Neptunian Space Nuns go Wild" was getting interesting.

Fry: I know that voice.

Wearing a T-shirt that says "Universe's Sexiest Captain, Fourth -Place", in his torn underwear with his outlandish-gut cascading between there and the shirt, with a bucket of Colonel McDoodles' Fried space hopper legs, stood Captain Zapp Brannigan.

Zapp narrowed his eyes when he saw Fry, who was still wearing his lab coat.

Zapp: Who's the nerd?

Mary (sighing): Unkie Zapp, This is my boyfriend Fry, and I wish you would be dressed better when I unexpectingly bring boyfriends home.

Zapp: Never you mind. So, Fry is it? Tell me, while I judge you, why you think you're good enough for Mary?

Fry: Well, we have a lot in common, and she doesn't mind the fact that I used to work for Planet Express that fired her after hiring Amy.

Mary: Just because I don't have the Professor's blood type, he fires me. It's totally sexist.

Fry: Also, that I was in an on-and-then-off-again romantic tangle with my Captain, Leela.

Zapp (eyes wide): You know Leela! Tell me, Fry, can you give me her password to her web-cam?

Fry: Sure, it's 87435960zappwillneverfindthis9874656.

Zapp quickly wrote it down on his stained shirt.

Zapp: Fry, this is going to be the beginning of a great friendship.

Next Scene: Planet Express: Hermes, Amy, and the Professor are watching the monitor of Fry's, Hermes shakes his head.

Hermes: Boy, Fry really is bending backwards for dat girl, maybe soon he can limbo with me.

Amy: Enough with the Limbo!

Leela comes over and disgustingly looks at the screen.

Leela: Ewww, she's Zapp Brannigan's Niece?

Professor: You know him?

Bender: The correct question, Professor, is "Did you knock sweaty boots with him?"

Everyone turns to look at Leela.

Leela: Ok, ok, ok. I slept with the dirty Bastard, you happy?

Bender: To see you utterly humiliated? Yes.

Professor: Wait a minute, why isn't Fry with you?

Bender: He never showed up back at the apartment, so I decided to go to a strip joint instead.

Professor: Aww Dammit, what about Zoidberg?

Bender: Him? Hold on a second.

Bender leaves the room and returns with a fish net with a sleeping Dr. Zoidberg inside.

Bender: I caught this walloping pile of crap with some drugged mackerel, can we stuff him and put him on a plaque?

Professor: Oh my no. Just awake him.

Leela and Bender start kicking Zoidberg until he awakes moaning painfully.

The Professor pulls out the same remote with a different button on it that says "Mute." He fires it and a White light comes out and Knocks Zoidberg flat.

Zoidberg shakes his head and stares at everyone.

Zoidberg: What's the matter friend? Is the Professor out of tea leafs again?

Professor: Eureka! He's stupid again, now we need to test it on Fry.

Leela: Professor, He seems so much happier, do you really think we should?

Professor: I need Fry, to see if the second part of my experiment works on humans.

Just then a young looking woman with flowing black hair comes in wearing a headset attached to a hearing gun.

Woman: I couldn't help to hear what you all were saying and I wanted to say this…Stay away from Fry you miserable pukes!

Professor: Who are you young thing?

Mom: I'm Mom you withering Dolt! Thanks to Fry's "Geezer-Breeze", I'm now Helluva lot younger and I'm here to kick some ass.

Professor: You can't threaten me you young whippersnapper, my experiments will go without hold!

Mom: You gutter slugs stay away from him or I'll put Planet Express all under arrest!

End of Act 1.

Well that's the first part, I hope you all enjoyed it, the next one should be up shortly. I'd love to hear what you guys think 


End file.
